blah blah blah....

Hi all! Wow yesterday really was some day. I had three classes during the day than got called on duty for barn work, ugh! It wasn't that bad but I was hoping to have gone into the city last night, oh well. After work was over a couple friends and I went to applebees for a late dinner. Unfortunate for me I was to supposed to have an early night due to work this morning at 6 AM. Which means I had to get up at 5:30. Waking up that early isn't that bad on a whole but doing it after not being able to fall asleep till like 3 AM is torture! I was like the walking dead. Not only did I work 6-11 but I had to go back for the feed shift at 3-5 and again at 9 to close up for the night. I'm exhausted! Oh well I'm over that now, I have tomorrow to look forward to.
*this was from 8/30 i just never posted it

My poems...

As i sit here thinking of the day,
Of the fateful day I will get to say,
"I'm leaving now, gone away from this place"
and no thoughts of here would cloud my place.

If only they knew, If only they cared,
the pain inside they wouldn't have dared,
to let me be, to let me stay free.
But know I'm in here, behind locked door,
My way to deal had been so poor,
I feel like I'm dying,
Cant help from the crying
I'm loosing myself, confined to the shelf
the broken pieces of my heart,
afraid that I have lost the part,
that holds my love and helped me be loved.
I know that I now hold the card
Why must these choices be so hard
Am I chosen pick,
of the worlds cruelst pick.


From behind my shield of pain,
I long again to feel the rain.
To the world it hids my crying,
And the fact I'm slowly dying.

My anger and frustration show,
To hide the emotions deep below.
Shame and fear beside it hide,
A secret, not known to the world outside.
They are mine alone to bear,
If let out they will no dout scare,
The ones I love, they wont believe,
The pain that lies inside of me.

I'm leaving now, gone away from this place.
The world my life I can no longer face.
The reason why is hard to say
I've failed at life, I chouldn't stay.
When I am gone I want you to know,
You must move on, you have to let go.
I felt like this was my last and only choice,
Remember my face....remember my voice.
There's no one to blame, the fault is my own,
I was confused and afraid, I felt all alone.
The people I loved I know they card,

this one is now quite done a finished version is soon to come!

Am i ready for this?

Coda by Dorothy Parker

There's little in taking or giving,
There's little in water or wine,
This living,this living, this living,
Was never a project of mine.
Oh, hard is the strugle,and sparse is
The grain of the one at the top,
For art is a form of catharsis,
And love is a permanent flop,
And work is the province of cattle,
Aks the rest's for a clam in a shell,
So I'm thinking of throwing the battle-
Would you kindly direct me to hell?

If you understand this poem you might catch a glimpse of what im all about.

Anyways.... Yeah im in college now!!! classes started monday and i actually kinda like what im taking. At least enough to keep me interested. My room mate and i seem to get along pretty well....even though shes a meat eater. (not in the dirty way). I have lots of free time now to kinda just do whatever and i like living on my own (sort of at least). I'm starting to meet some really cool people but i still havent really met a "special" someone yet. Not that im looking that much, but hey i always have my eyes open, lol. Another plus is my work study at the barn which means i can spend as much time as i want to at the barn, yeah :-) There are some pretty amazing horses here including some cute little large ponies which i love already. Im kinda already becoming insecure about my choice of major and college though. I love it here but im not quite sure school is the place for me.
i end today with one last dorothy parker poem

If wild my breast and sore my pride
I bask in dreams of suicide,
If cool my heart and high my head
I think "How lucky are the dead!"