today...

sooo today was totally stressful and crappy... i had the appeal with the student conduct board and was so nervous i almost puked. they asked me a bunch of bullshit questions which i answered but i guess they didn't like what i had to say and they decided to keep john browns decision and keep me out of the dorms. im really pissed about this but there is kinda a silver lining of sorts. since i wont be living on campus i had to find another place to stay and lucky me i did. about 5 miles away from campus is a hotel type thing with furnished rooms that does long term rents. its a little cheaper in the long run and a bonus is i get to have my car there! so that's the plan for now if everything goes well thats whats gonna happen.

?

So the new year is here and i didn't make any resolutions, the less i make the less i break is the way i look at it. but the sad thing it that i was expecting to feel like something, anything at all, had changed and i don't feel like anything did. Maybe it never will, or maybe it will all change tomorrow?

letter to save me (maybe)

Student Conduct Board,

I would like to appeal the decision made by John Brown,Dean of Students, concerning my on-campus residence status. I am being wrongly over-prosecuted for a simple alcohol violation. Stated in the student handbook, the maximum punishment for a first alcohol offense is a
fine and probation.- Removal from housing does not happen until second or repeated offense. In speaking with Mr. Brown, he mentioned to me a separate situation regarding medications.
The situation with the medication is different. I am referring to the situation in which I forgot to pick up my medications one day- and the reason for that was one in which I was in between prescriptions and didn't have my new meds yet. This separate incident should not be held against me when considering my punishment for the alcohol violation.

Regarding the alcohol in my room, I would like to explain what happened in my own
words. A couple of days before the incident a friend of mine came to me with a
problem. She was having some trouble with her roommate and needed a place
to keep an opened bottle of alcohol. So in trying to help her out I said yes
but only for a couple of days. At this point my roommate and I were getting along
fine so I assumed she would be fine with the whole situation. I didn't say
anything to her about the alcohol and a couple days had passed by before she
found the alcohol herself. She didn't say anything to me so again I assumed
everything was cool. The next evening though, a Thursday, before even talking
to me she turned me into the r.a. for having alcohol. After that security
confiscated the alcohol and here I am now. The punishment that I accepted at
the hearing with Paul Kinbsbury included the max.$500 dollar fine, a semester of
probation, and two alcohol related courses. This I believe is a reasonable
punishment for the violation I committed.

On that note I believe that further punishment, or revoking my
housing, would be unfair and unjust. By doing so it would mean that I am being
held to a higher double standard than other students. I am fully capable of being
responsible for myself as I have been through the first semester of school. At this age
young adults are almost programed to make mistakes and get into some trouble,
but not all mistakes are for the worse, many times they help a person grow and
learn from their mistakes. I have learned plenty from my mistakes and have
grown from them. As for the alcohol, it just ends with trouble, even if it's not yours.

In conclusion, I would like to again apologize for my actions
and everything that led up to this situation. I understand that my decisions were
irresponsible but I have learned my lesson. All I want now is the
chance to return to school, live on campus, and prove that I deserve to be there.
I ask that instead of looking at my one incident of irresponsible behavior you look
at my semester of mature responsible behavior that shows who I really
am. If given the chance, I want you know that my actions and decisions will show
the maturity that I have gained throughout this experience, and know something
like this will not happen again. Thank you again for your time and I look forward to
speaking with the board in person some time in the near future.

survey

Basics

~~~~
Full name: Alexis Kate Laughman
Birthdate: January 18, 1990
Where were you born? Houston Tx
Where were you conceived? in a bed i think
What state would you like to live in? its a tie between california and texas
Do you want to have children? ha ha when hell freezes over
Religion: nope religion cant handle me

Love Life
~~~~
Are you a virgin? umm... yup
Have you ever been in love? im not really sure what love is but i guess so
Are you in love now? .... i might be
Do you have a boyfriend? i never will have a" man
If so, Is he romantic? n/a
Have you ever danced with him? n/a
Have you ever had your heart broken? oh yes more that once
Have you ever broken any one else's heart? i would hope not

Favorites
~~~~
Color(s) : green black blue and orange sometimes
Boys Name: Edward
Girls Name: Annie Arin Taylor
Color eyes: Green
Flowers: Orchids Tulips Roses

This or That
~~~~
Pepsi or Coke? Coke
Bacardi or Captain Morgan? Captain
Desktop or Laptop? Laptop
Sweet corn or Cream corn? sweet
Turkey Hill iced tea or Lipton iced tea? if its white Lipton
Book or Movie? duh... book
Music or Tv? music

16 things

Directions:

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 16 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged. Okay, you don't HAVE to do this but it's fun.


1. peanut butter really does taste good with tomato or pickles

2. i dream of one day doing something really crazy like skydiving

3. there are some people in my life whom i could not live without

4. one day i would like to fall "in" love and get married and have a whole family of cats, dogs, and horses
(no kids)

5. i will meet said person in california while i live there for a summer at least

6. i think of myself as selfish and self-centered on the inside i just hide it well

7. i love college life

8. i hate christmas because of the music and having to wrap presents

9. i have a lot of secrets that i tell no one, but wish someone wanted to hear

10. a goal in my life is to save another, even if it kills me

11. sometimes im more afraid of living than dying, although the dark is my biggest fear, i have panic attacks in the dark sometimes

12. dont know what im doing with my life even when i day i do, dont even know if i wanna finish or go back to school

13. i wish i could have long hair again

14. im not sure if i remember who i am cause im always trying to act like someone else, i might have multiple personalities cause i have one for each group of friends

15. i have a habit of falling for the wrong kinda people

16. i thrive off of drama no matter how many times i say i dont

decisions

so now i am faced with a decision to make. do i fight for my right to go back to school or do i give in and try to find a way to move on at home. i miss my college friends terribly cause i never really had any friends at home there are not as many to miss. plus the newest crush is at school whom I'm determined to win over. this may seem like an impossible feet but i think i can manage. so the real dilemma i face is whether i want to continue schooling right away. i would love to continue at delval but don't know if i can afford it. on the other hand i might not be able to go back because of my grades and not having a place to live. if i can get everything figured out and get back onto campus there is still going to be the challenge of grades. maybe i should transfer to hacc for a year to get my gpa back up then go back to delval. that might work. if i do that i can work and go to school and when i have a better gpa i can go back the school of my choice. and hey now that i think about it the place i want to live in not that far from hacc maybe like ten minutes. it works out perfect. now my only problem is convincing rin she wants me to live there...

update

hello again my non existent readers, life has been crazy since my last chapter. And you know what that means.... yes..... it is possible......more drama. i think drama is just drawn to me. a couple weeks ago a couple friends and I were bored crazy and had the not so brilliant idea to try and find a place to drink. as it turns out we were not so great at that. so i had the brilliant idea to bring something back after thanksgiving break for a little after finals partayyy... again not a great idea but whateves. a week goes by and my roommate doesn't say a word then one night i decided to have just a little drink and she had a shit fit going on about where did i get it and all of this kinda stuff. after a minute though she calmed down and i left. the next night the same thing happened and this time without even saying anything to me she turned me into the ra annie. so now I'm in a whole shit load of trouble without a shovel to dig myself out. first i was given a 500 dollar fine, put on probation, mandated to alcohol awareness classes, and an online assignment about alcohol. but no that's not nearly all my friends... no no no... i was also kicked out of student housing thanks to that lovely contract i signed a few short weeks ago. and the icing on the cake is that I've failed not one but two of my "bullshit" 1 credit classes which lowered my gpa to a bad place. meaning I've lost my scholarship possibly. which also means that i might not be able to continue at delval due to not having enough money to cover tuition. oh but wait now that I think about it there are sprinkles on this cake i call life, and they're called mom. telling my mother all of this is going to be like torture. she will never let me forget this, how i fucked everything up and ruined my life according to her. maybe this isn't the end though, maybe this is only the beginning of something better. ha like that would ever happen, my life as i know it is over. after thinking about all of this I've come to one conclusion..... the problem is me. in every problem that i face the only negative component in me. solution... remove me from the equation, in other words don't be me be someone else. maybe if I'm someone else my bad luck will skip over me and ill land in some good news for a change. I'm open to advice at this point cause obviously everything I've tried has failed as of now so if you have read this and feel like leaving you two sense please do so. all comments are welcome, don't be shy now...